So, uh....

I logged on thinking I needed a place to blog about my social anxiety without fear of anyone seeing...and it turns out people have been looking at this shit??? It had like 200 views. What the hell. I only told like 3 people max about this thing. I should probably change the title to something less pretentious sounding.

Anyway, turns out I was looking at KU with rose colored lenses. Not that I don't love the campus and most of my classes, but it's so goddamned hard to meet people here. Like, holy shit. I meet people in the dorms, yeah, but for starters they're all younger than me. I really feel like I was maybe gypped by not getting to go the first year, but man you wouldn't think there would be such a maturity difference between 18 and 20. I hate basically everyone on the floor, including two of my roommates, and the three (four, if you count my last roommate) are super high strung. One girl has calmed down a lot, and I think I'll get along better with her for the last bit. The girl I'm living with next year, sadly, is turning out to be a little nuts. I like her, she's nice, but holy shit. There was this huge.....confrontation with this guy my roommate was lab partners with (he's 23) and the girl I'm going to live with next year grew just obsessed. Not all her fault, he completely led her on with no intentions of becoming her boyfriend like she assumed. It became insane and she stopped talking to me, my roommate, and the girl whom I like the most right now. She discovered that he was lying to her, but now it's just awkward and I don't really want to live with her anymore. Oh well, what's done is done. Not much choice now. Hopefully she'll find someone else I guess.

I just really miss being with people my own age. I have my roommate now, who I really like, but she's not living on campus again next year. She'll have an apartment. So I'm afraid I wont see her as much. And I keep thinking maybe I'll make new friends, but holy shit most will be freshman. Again. And I'll be a senior. I want to be with people my age and go to bars with people my age. I'm going to be 21 for fuck's sake. I want to hang out with other 21 year olds. I want to find a nice guy, who is also 21, and hang out with him too. I'm pretty lonely, actually. I thought I had met great people, and I guess I have. Maybe my criteria for good friend is too high. I don't know.

I'm also struggling with finding an internship over summer. I settled on Human Resources, did a pretty sweet internship in London last semester, but now I can't find any for this summer. And it's not like I am applying to an assload of places and am getting no response, I can't even find any internships to apply to in the first place. I've filled out about three applications so far, and one of the positions was cancelled. So now I have two. And it's hard to find others. Hopefully something will go right soon.

I also applied for a job next school year to be an office assistant for the Office of Study Abroad. Hopefully that will go through and I'll get that job? I don't fucking know. I just wish I could feel relaxed. I can't relax myself and I'm slowly losing my mind.

Well this was a long post.

A little therapeutic though.